Let's try and set some personal goals again, shall we?

Meh, I suck at setting and keeping personal goals. I am the first person you want on your side if there is a deadline to meet and the last person you want if it's a project that needs to be done...whenever. Quite frankly, whenever is like tomorrow in my world: it never comes.

So here I am again, but maybe this time I'll try setting mini goals. Not like - "loose 15 pounds" but "get your butt out of bed and do yoga so your back doesn't hurt so much."

Actually, I think I'm going to try to start with "put two things in the box to take to goodwill everyday this week." Seriously, our apartment is a pit right now and half of it is because we have too much stuff. Way too much stuff. I rant on and on how I'm tired of junk, how I really would prefer to just skip the material goods presents this year for Christmas and then I go and plan another yarn order. Yup, I'm slightly hypocritical but I am tired of not having a place for everything in my apartment.

So once again, it's time to pass some of it on to someone else who could use it. It's time to let go and make more room in my house for...moving? Sitting? Breathing?

Let's see how mini goals work for me this time.

Two posts in one day, who would have thunk...

I write stories online. No you can't have the link. If you know anything about my online life, you may be able to find it but I guarantee nothing. I'm too embarassed to share my stuff with real people, you know, people I actually know. So if you find it, please don't tell me.

I came across someone else's profile today while looking for new stories to read online and they had my story listed under "Great Stories." It was so cool. I know I have a few consistent readers but it was nice to see someone is really enjoying it.
Then I got "recognized" when I told someone about it. They typed SQUEEE! for me!

It was very cool. I'm not sure much of this made sense to anyone who doesn't live in my head but it made my day.

My life today in song lyrics

Break your neck for some substance,
This is temporary sanity, an exercise in vanity
So long, to this ordinary day wrought with
fictitious tales of how there's any other way
Hold on to anything at all
It's a long way down...

Barsippa and trafe da'at

Ah, the pull of complex words has called to me again.
Last saturday, Phillip and I headed to chattanooga and hung out with Darrell. One of the things we did was head to the sculpture garden in Little Italy up by Rembrandts. Some of it was odd, some of it was pretty cool. One piece called to me in particular.

It's called Borsippa and I wish now I had taken a picture. I may have to make it a point to go back and do that. The only one I can find online is here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/robertlz/386117926/

The picture doesn't do it justice. The metal is textured and every piece almost looks like it's in motion. It's chaotic, but seems to be moving.
Borsippa was an ancient city in what is now Iraq. It has a ziggurat and is believed by some to be the Tower of Babel.

Confusion in the sculpture make sense much? From a place that once held peace, Chaos emerged and changed everything. But in the chaos a beauty is found because it enabled us to spread into the diverse and wonderful world that we have now.
It took chaos first.

Trafe da'at is a herbrew term meaning "of a torn mind." I find myself living with a torn mind, living in the chaos that I'm hoping something beautiful will come out of. There is too much going on in my head, too much going on in my life and I find that nothing I'm doing is coming out as anything worthwhile. I'm looking at the world through a shattered pane of glass.

My mind needs to stop being so torn. I need to learn to let go. But letting go isnt' always easy. You will only change when the pain of changing becomes less than the pain of staying the same.

I think I might have hit that wall.

I'm tired of being trafe da'at.

Today I...

...started applications for PhD programs online. I'm not sure if I'm happy, hyperventilating or finally ready to admit to my own insanity.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Goals to simplify and actually get stuff done!

Whew, okay time for a blog overhaul.

First, I got rid of the list of 1001 things that I'd probably never get around to anyway. I also put my crafting lists on the side so I don't have to post dumb to do lists every three days to keep myself straight, same with books.

I'm going to try to get myself down to working on five projects and reading five books at a time, maximum. I need to finish 4 projects in order to get there though! Ah well, it'll get done.

Warning: slightly melodramatic post ahead

This is my craft cabinet. The drawer is also very full and this is only 1 of 4 totally overflowing areas where I keep my supplies. You should see my clothing to remake and my material stash. The lid would literally fly off if I opened it wrong. I find myself highly dissatisfied with my life right now and it's a dissatisfaction of my own making. I have things I should be doing: studying for the GRE, working on my French, and a hundred other practical things that Iknow I need to do, heck, even want to do. I find myself utterly distracted by things that don't matter.

My brain feels like my craft cabinet right now. I feel like I have too much stuff in it. I feel like I'm doing too much, committing to too much, and thereby accomplishing nothing. My problem is that the things that are important keep getting sidetracked by the things that really aren't, or shouldn't be at any rate.

Maybe my dissatisfcation with the state of my crafting stash has more to do with my brain than my stuff.