Stuff guilt

I, like most people I know, own a lot of stuff.

Probably too much stuff.

For a bit over a year now I've been making a serious effort to get rid of a bunch of stuff we never use or will likely never need again.

Out the door has gone clothing, books, kitchen gadgets, college papers, movies and even sewing supplies.

I've tried to think more carefully about what I'm bringing in. Instead of buying books, I've checked the library and waited for a copy. Instead of purchasing items for new projects, I've more carefully dug through what I have already.

I've tried to think it through for myself.

Then comes my oldest son's 4th birthday.

We bought him stuff. Maybe too much stuff. Then the grandparents bought him stuff. Then we had a party and was given stuff.

I'm not ungrateful for the things he was given. We had a lovely time at the party and they are things he will enjoy but I'm wondering where to draw the line.

It's much, much easier to flow the tide of my own consumption but not so easy to think it through for my kids.

Transitions and changes

I am not by nature a gentle person.

I'm in th quiet side when you first meet me because I hate small talk and generally like to get a feel for people and situations before I engage too much. Some people will at first confuse that quietness with timidity but it's not.

I yell at the tv when I'm listening to something that ticks me off.

I can rant on a moments notice and often tend to be the bull in the china shop because I really honestly don't pick up on a lot of the nuances in the culture where I currently live.

All that being said, I feel a strong call these days to live a more gentle life - more gentle with my family, more gently with the world around me and more gently with myself.

My intent here is to give myself a bit of accountability as I start this and to be honest about the difficulty of change. I want to be more gentle and that's a complete contradiction to my normal character. I want to change but font believe it will be easy.