52 books in 52 weeks

Alright, we're going to gives this another try this year.

And so far...nothing.

That is all.

Is it a bad sign...

that I'm procrastinating from a hobby?

Writer's block is a horrible, horrible place to be in. I have every idea of where the story is going and yet am completely failing in getting it on paper.
My characters are moody, they won't cooperate. One of them wants the kill the other off and really that doesn't work very well for the resolution of the story.

This sucks. I need a muse.

Catharsis

I had a crappy day yesterday. Seriously crappy. I didn’t sleep well that night, I didn’t have a quiet restful morning like I usually enjoy to start my day.
Then work came and it was one thing after another and I was stressed and my supervisor was stressed and even the main boss was obviously stressed.
By noon, I’d eaten all the chocolate stashed around my office and was ready to call it a day. Then I ended my day by covering my desk, computer and favorite wool pants in hot chocolate. Yeah, it was a crap day.

For the last two hours of work, all I could think was “I’m going running after work and I’ll blast something loud and shut the world out.” So I got home from work, I got dressed to run and…couldn’t find my earphone adapter. I really hate that I need an adapter use my MP3 on my phone. I had a freak out, dumped my huge messy purse and…nothing. Crap.

I may have stood staring at the mess for several minutes before deciding to suck it up and go run anyway. I’m trying very hard to stick to the training program so I tied my shoes and grumpily slammed the door on my way out.

I begrudgingly did a lap walking to warm up. It sucked. Then I started my timer and when it beeped, I took off up the little hill in front of my house. I hit that hill faster than I should have but by the end of the second run set, I felt good. Actually, I felt great.

All my crappy emotions just poured into that physical release of my feet hitting the pavement. I think maybe I’m starting to get the appeal. I don’t claim to be in shape enough or experienced enough to claim this as the infamous “runner’s high,” but it was cathartic.

I’m looking forward to my next run. For the first time in my life, my lazy butt is moving and I’m truly enjoying the process.

Never thought that would happen.

Some general observations:
1. I need to drink more water. I find I'm fairly easily dehydrated.
2. I need to work on my breathing. That sounds funny but I have to be very conscious of it.
3. I'm glad I started this.

So what did I get myself into this time?

It's been almost a year since I decided that I might be interested in taking up running. Due to waiting on a whole list of things in my life to happen, I never got started. I finally got tired of waiting for my life to start and figured I needed to start it myself.

This morning, I went running. I'm following a program called "Couch to 5k." It can be found here:
I got new shoes and a new sports bra since I hadn't owned one since high school. This morning, I just got up and did it.

I didn't run fast and admittedly I was much slower at the end then I was at the beginning but I did day 1, week 1. I'm going to hurt tomorrow, I'm sure of it. But I'm pretty proud of myself right now. I lack a lot of motivation in my life and I'm trying to change that.

Tomorrow morning: yoga. Then on tuesday back to running. Give me 3 months and I'm going to have really hot legs if the amount I feel them right now is any indication.

Mood Music: Small enough

All praise and all honour be
to the God of ancient mysteries
whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history
But tonite my heart is heavy
and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer
"are you there?"
- Nicole Nordemann

My heart bleeds today for those dead, those hurt, those still trapped and those grieving in Haiti today.

Oh great God, be small enough to wrap your arms around each one who needs you.

Shakespeare

Nothing is so common-place as the wish to be remarkable. - Shakespeare

I actually came across this quote when watching the first season of criminal minds. I had never heard it before and had to go in search of it to make sure I got it right.

We all want to be known for something. We all want to be accepted for who we are and want to stand apart from the crowd. We all, in our own way, desire to live a life that is more than average. More than ordinary. Simply: more.

Most of us, I think, end up paralyzed and unable to move towards fulfilling this. Not everyone is going to be famous but each of us can be remarkable in our own way. I think with my applications finally be in, I feel this more. I understand this more and a lot of my emotions are tied into wanting to be accepted for the direction I'm wanting to go.

I really do want more than fine. Maybe they won't take me this year but there's always next year. At least I'm not paralyzed anymore.